How Coaching Benefits Me
(A Personal Reflection & Growth)
By Alexandria Tjai
Friday, 19 June 2020
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For coaches, this article lists some benefits throughout coaching sessions and provides a better understanding of the impacts of coaching to both coahees and coaches.
For coachees, it illustrates a coach’s experience to enable them to better understand how a coach feels throughout coaching sessions and the importance of the experience for both coachees and coaches.
Note:
Coach – someone who coaches and delivers a coaching session by asking powerful and useful questions to provoke a coachee to gain awareness of his/ her situation.
Coachee/ client – someone who is coached and asked questions so that he/ she can achieve his/ her personal and/or professional goals.
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Coaching is a systematic process of a ‘thought-provoking and creative’ discussion between a coach and a coachee/ client that is aimed to achieve coachee’s certain goals, such as business, leadership, sales, or even love life, to enhance personal growth. Throughout the process, a coachee explores all possibilities in order to maximize one’s true potential so that the aims are achieved (Arsendatama, Coaching Indonesia). At the end of a session, it is very common to ask a client what one has gained from the discussion. However, as a coach, no one has ever asked me such a question, which makes sense because the focus has always been on the coachee. It got me thinking – what if I asked myself the same question – “What have you gained from the discussion?”. Surprisingly, no sooner had I done that than coaching led me to some wonderful journeys.
A Journey to Self-Discovery
It is important to be ourselves, but it is crucial to know who we are. I remember one said self-discovery can only be achieved after spending some quiet moments with ourselves in silence. I am sure silence makes most of us uncomfortable. Imagine not talking and just looking at each other during a meeting; it might be eerie for some of us.
On the contrary, in coaching sessions, it is necessary to make time to think, be present and be in silence. This is an important moment for coachees to digest questions or their own answers and for coaches to analyze the messages from the clients so that useful questions to provoke creative thinking can be created. And I, being the assertive me, failed to comply at first. I still do occasionally, but I persevere.
Once a coachee asked me if I was in sales and marketing. I was dumbfounded thinking how he knew it – during my corporate tenure, revenues had been my target. He said my questions came in quite fast and he needed more time to digest the questions and information. What happened was I did not allow a silence period between questions or answers to enable absorption and this made the client feel that I was only focusing on the goal instead of his needs and the whole process.
From that moment on I have given coachees undivided attention. In the state of presence, I am more aware of their needs and it is all right to let some silence between conversations. Sometimes all they need is to be listened to without interference. By listening actively, I have discovered that my intuition shows me what I need to say and what questions coachees need in order to trigger their awareness of their current situations, challenges, and potential. My questions may not be powerful, but they are certainly useful based on what my clients have benefited from coaching. Because of that, I have learnt to let my intuition guide me and combine the insights with my knowledge and experience. The collaboration is exemplary.
Hence, silence is not as scary as I used to think for in silence I hear the truth, see the possibilities, and discover what I am capable of.
A Journey to Self-Rejuvenation
Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s (2008) research on “optimal experience” has disclosed that what makes a truly satisfying experience is a state of mindfulness called flow. Throughout flow, we normally experience profound enjoyment and creativity as we are so involved in life activities that nothing else seems to matter.
In coaching, I should ‘dance in the moment’- let coachees discover themselves, deeply listen to their stories with activated intuition, and ask questions based on what just came up (Whitworth, Et.al, 2007). All in all, by being present, I enjoy the flow of the conversation even more as I really get the essence of the messages, and it does not matter where it leads me to as long as clients reach “optimal experience” – they get something useful from the discussion and achieve the goals that are set at the beginning of the session. During flow, they do have their ‘aha’ moments.
Helping coachees reach their ‘aha’ moments provokes happiness, relief, and hope. Seeing them finally awake from their sleep and knowing what they need to do is happiness. I am happy for them and for what they have achieved at that moment. Witnessing their surprised faces when they realize they can move mountains brings relief and hope. Relief that they are able to see their situations from different angles and they also motivate me to tackle my own challenges. These emotions and feelings linger and I can never get tired of them because they somehow recharge my mind and soul. Slate (2001) claims rejuvenation enhances self-empowerment to live a richer, healthier, and happier life. Knowing I am part of such an awakening empowers me to rejuvenate to live a more hopeful and fulfilled life for the best is yet to come.
Simply put, if a coach can benefit so much from coaching, imagine what a coachee will gain. Coaching does, profoundly, help self-discovery and growth. Throughout the process, I have revealed and restored myself. And for that, I am forever grateful for the opportunities to meet and learn from some beautiful and wonderful people along my journeys. I believe nothing in this world can stop us from growing unless we stop trying and caring.
References
Arsendatama, Al Falaq, MCC. Professional Coach Certification Program. Coaching Indonesia Academy.
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. 2008. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper Perennial Modern Classics
Slate, Joe H. 2001. Rejuvenation: Strategies for Living Younger, Longer & Better. Llewellyn Publications.
Whitworth, Laura, Et al. 2007. Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People toward Success in Work and Life. Davies-Black Publishing.
Leading Wholeheartedly
By Alexandria Tjai
Category: Leadership and Growth
Friday, 10 July 2020
“The best leader is one whose existence is barely known by the people.
They act without effort and teach without words.” Lao Tzu
A good leader does not need to announce his or her presence to ensure everyone knows he or she is the person in charge. The leader’s attitude and virtues should certainly deliver the message. He or she trusts the employees to perform their best even though they are not strictly supervised under 24-hour CCTV in each corner of the office building. They are let to do what they are hired for and if they need support, the leader is approachable and supportive. And for that, he or she is respected, praised, and even loved. A good leader is not feared and does not take credit. When a project is completed successfully, he or she will say this to everyone involved “Good job everyone, we did it. Thank you for your hard work!” Performance acknowledgement and praises are part of the company’s virtues.
Are leaders always in high or important positions? On the contrary, sometimes a leader can be invisible or unrecognized. Sorenson and Hickman (2014) state that ‘Invisible leadership’ inspires people to empower their ability to thrive willingly to achieve their goals. And that kind of leader may not be a CEO of a company or have a PhD. For example, parents who love their children with good values and wisdom, kindergarten teachers who show the world of knowledge to the kids or a child who never tries to lead but manages to charm her parents to buy an expensive toy. I believe that a person who takes the initiative to make positive changes and can motivate others to do so is certainly a leader.
If anyone can be a leader, how does one differ from a great leader? According to Taoism, a Chinese philosophy founded by Lao Tzu (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoism), to have a meaningful life, we should live wholeheartedly. Be conscious and enjoy the moment. Let go and go with the flows. Wouldn’t it be ideal if leaders adopt that philosophy?
Be Mindful
“Those who stand on tiptoes do not stand firmly.
Those who rush ahead don’t get very far.” Lao Tzu
The hustle and bustle of work can rush us to finish tasks as quickly as possible to meet deadlines. Some of us sometimes find the need to catch up with work on weekends or public holidays to make up for the lost time. As a result, certain actions may go on autopilot. And then as routines become monotonous, suddenly, we realize we never get the chance to enjoy life.
I used to be proud of my ability to multitask and complete everything efficiently. I wasted no time by simultaneously writing emails, signing memos, and listening to an online conference at my desk. And yet, did I provide sufficient information in those emails? Did I read the memos meticulously before signing them? Did I actually get the best out of the conference? Obviously not as much as I intended to. If I had spent more time and given mindful attention to each task, I would have completed them more thoroughly. Those activities would have had more significant results instead of just being part of office routines.
Being mindful or conscious means being present in each activity, whether it is working, parenting, gardening or eating, so that we value the process. When was the last time we really enjoyed our food? Just eating, enjoying the flavour, appreciating the cook, observing the surroundings and enjoying the moment instead of having a meeting over lunch or talking about work with colleagues. Simple things and yet meaningful.
By being conscious, a leader might be more aware of his or her team’s achievement, the types of support the team needs, or the reasons why certain strategies work better. It also provides a clearer state of mind for making more effective decisions.
Let Go
“Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course. You cannot master the world by changing the natural way.” Lao Tzu
Have you ever known a leader who works so hard to make sure employees are doing what they are instructed to do? Regular officers are expected to be able to perform managerial duties. Strict rules and policies are designed to control and supervised employees. Memos are issued to make sure they are aware of those policies and comply. Long and never-ending meetings are held to ensure everyone understands what is happening and what they have to do. And when a project does not go as planned, the boss blames everyone. Control seems to be the company’s latest virtue. How may the employees feel?
The harder subordinates are controlled, the harder they try to release themselves. The stricter a company’s policy is, the sooner employees leave. Go with the flow and force nothing rather than tighten one’s grip. Relax and accept the situation the way it is and understand everything has its own timing. Letting go means doing what needs to be done, trusting the actions taken are for the best, and then letting tomorrow take care of itself (Finley, 2007).
Control is good to some extent to implement discipline and ensure everyone works in the targeted flow or performance. However, too much control may ruin a plan instead of cultivating it. Let’s look at a mango tree, for example. We plant it, fertilize it, water it, and then let nature take care of itself. Doing more than necessary may hinder its growth. “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished (Lao Tzu).”
Leaders, to lead wholeheartedly we need to be present to live the moment passionately and courageously. And in presence we can consciously know when we need to continue fighting and when we should let go and trust that the Universe will take care of the rest.
References
Finley, Guy. 2007. The Secret of Letting Go. Llwellyn Publications.
Sorenson, Georgia J. and Hickman, Gill Robinson. 2014. The Power of Invisible Leadership: How a Compelling Common Purpose Inspires Exceptional Leadership. Sage Publications, Inc.
Quotes are taken from: Tzu, Lao. 4th Century BC (1868: Publish in English). Tao Te Ching. Translated by Tolbert McCarroll.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoism
