I think it’s a brave step to take the decision, dare to ask for help (from a professional) and go through the process. When I was in this situation (a mere thirty years ago), I was more and more anxious the closer the date got. One step before crossing the threshold I was thinking about turning a corner. Throughout the meeting, I wondered if they really wanted to help me or if they were just wondering why I was so miserable… There were a lot of “why’s” that I couldn’t answer or didn’t know how to answer to make it right. After the first session I decided not to go again, “no one should question me, it’s a waste of money, and anyway: we don’t ask for help, we work things out”. A few years ago, I was brought together with a business coach who gave me a lot of homework with short deadlines, which didn’t motivate me, but did put me under pressure and frustration.
From this, I had an idea of what was going on – at worst –
in a client’s mind, and I also knew what kind of helper I didn’t want to be.
When I was preparing for my exams, I was asked a question, “What do you consider to be unique about your own coaching style?” It took me quite some time to come up with an answer. Since I don’t have much insight into how others coach (and even if I did, I wouldn’t want to compare myself to others), it’s pointless to think about what makes me different from others. More importantly, I am more patient, aware and humble compared to myself a few months ago. To know what my style is, I need to know what I think I am and what others see me as.
My group mates told me in a game that I am calm, I exude confidence and within three seconds anyone feels they have nothing to hide, can open up, say anything… the liberation comes immediately with the exhilaration.
Looseness, playfulness and humour are essential for me – they can override upset and put a smile on a face that is not in a state of flutter. How unique I am in my people skills, commitment, determination and what others see and feel, is an individual experience.
I prepare, I am present, I release tension. I give my attention, in return I receive trust, openness and honesty… I ask questions – they answer – they recognise – they smile – they are relieved – they say goodbye. And that’s perfectly fine.
